so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Randomize