I love black thongs
You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
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