Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
Randomize
