just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
