hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
