I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
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