But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
