i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
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