Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
do herpes really smell.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
