Will you blow on my dice?
I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
Randomize
