I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
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