I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
