Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
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