They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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