I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
Randomize
