Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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