I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
Send help, water and tortillas.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
Randomize
