i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
