Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
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