I like to think it a success when the cops are called
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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