and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
Randomize
