You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
stop calling my apartment porn island.
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
Randomize
