we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
Never let your siblings swipe right.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
Randomize