I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
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