I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
Randomize
