The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
my vag is so smooth its legendary
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
