You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Randomize
