doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Randomize
