she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
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