I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
