in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
Randomize
