even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
Randomize
