I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
Just high enough for therapy.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
Randomize
