I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
Randomize
