I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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