i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
Randomize
