we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
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