What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
I love you. Go after that dick
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
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