Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
Randomize
