This beer is not sobering me up at all
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
Randomize
