I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
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