Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize