She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
Randomize
