everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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