I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Randomize
