I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Randomize
