Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
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