He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
Randomize
