Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
Randomize
