You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
so much tequila, so little girl.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
Randomize
