If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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