There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
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