We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
How do i ask the guy i made out with for 4 hours if he is gay? He keeps telling me i'm so adorable and that he had a ''blasty''
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
Randomize
