while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
Randomize
