You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
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