you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
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