I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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