apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Randomize
