I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
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