She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
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