I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
Randomize
