you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
Randomize
