there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
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