i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
P.S. I can't hear my feet
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
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